... ago, he is one of my friends cousin. When I first noticed how attractive he was it hit me by surprise. He had this gaze that made me melt. I couldn't even look into his eyes without making it ovbious. I told my friend his cousin was attractive. He passed the message on and before I knew it we were talking on the phone. We hung out one night, we were vive-ing and chilling and talking. The sexual attraction was so strongly there and present so we got it on. I'll skip the details but pretty much it was amazing. At that time I was young and not really caring to be in a relationship. I just wanted the perks if you know what I mean. We never spoke about what was going on, but there was an unspoken understanding that we were no strings attached. We met up casually and it was always great when it was just me and him. Things got weird when we would be around his cousins because we were all friends and I'm sure he just had to say something to them about what we did. I had told myself not to get attached because I just thought if anything was serious with him, he would hurt me. I didn't want to put myself through that, so I just "let it be". I started to like him more and more. I started hearing rumors that my friend that introduced me to my XLover was talking shit. I was upset at the things that I herd so I actually stopped talking to my friend but continued my low key relation with his cousin. It was really amazing every time we got together. I started to back off when I realized that I was liking him more than just sex. I was scared that he wouldn't like me the same. I eventually stopped talking to him no explinations just out of no where we stopped talking. I got into a relationship with my best friend after I realized I had feelings for him. Thats another long story. Anyways throughout my relationship with him I was so happy and I felt like I was truly in love with him. I was so happy but in the back of my head I was always thinking of him my Xlover. It was crazy how at random points in my relationship I would dream of him for nights in a row. It ended up being that me and my bff turned bf broke up after 2 years due to trust issues. I never in my whole relationship cheated on him, but one time he did catch me looking at my ex-lovers fb page. Ever since that moment my whole relationship crashed and burned. It really took me effort to get over this relationship because I didn't want to give up on the love I had found. I eventually got tired of the lack of trust and bullshit so I ended it. Recently I've felt happy because I been making myself happy again and I finally stopped caring about my ex bf. I had been dreaming with my Xlover for nights in a row. Not that long ago I went to a party with one of my friends, it ended up being that my Xlover was there. It was so awkward. He tried to talk to me but I was kind of out of it that night so I acted shy and awkward. When I got home I was just shocked that I had dreamed with him then saw him the next day randomly. The next weekend my friend invited me to another party. He my XLover was there again as I expected him to. That night I decided to stop being shy and talk to him. So I started making convo with everyone and then with him eventually. He was being shy and didn't want to make eye contact with me. I just kept looking at him making him signs that I wanted to talk to him. Eventually he got the point and was looking at me back. With that same gaze that attracted me to him in the first place. The night went by and I sat next to him and flirted with him. I ended up kissing him. It was amazing. We spoke, and he told me things that I was amazed at. Like that he would always think of me and that I left "something" in him. I don't know but the sexual attraction was so strong still that we ended up in bed again. I know it seems like I'm easy but the way I see it I'd rather not add another guy to the list. A girl has to get her needs fulfilled just like guys do. Anyway I been messing with him lately and I am starting to get feelings for him.. Again! I just wonder why my XLover messed with me again. I thought guys didn't mess with girls that they already had... I just know that he was some
how always there in the back of my mind and even though we just got it on I have a strong desire to be with him cause I never thought I was gonna have him again. Sometimes I think that I got into that relationship with my bff because I was trying to forget Him my XLover even though I really had fallen in love. MY question is.. could there be feelings from his part too that he doesn't understand? Is it just me? Why did the universe bring him back to me? Did I look for him without knowing? Is it possible that even though we already did it we can actually fall in love and be something more? Am I crazy for letting this happen? I don't mind it. I guess It just bugs me that I can't ask for him to be more that what we are for fear of scaring him off. I don't want him to be away from me. I think that if its not him that I marry I will be conforming to some other guy. I hate conforming. I am not what I made myself seem to him. I'm really not promiscuous and I do not hop into bed with just anyone. I know what it looks like but I know what I am and what I am not. Just something about him from the beginning has me in a spell. I would like to hear what you all think. Please don't be mean. Just honest. :)