... ups and downs. So today he says to me "You don't tell me how much you appreciate me." our argument ensued because I told him he never shows me that he appreciates what I do for him. We both realized how interesting of a predicament this was. Then he clarified that he prefers to be told and not shown. I think that sounds absolutely ridiculous. There is a reason there is a saying "Don't just talk walk the walk" In other words you can say it all day but its more important to be shown. I am really tied up about this. I am willing to have my eyes opened to his argument but i would really appreciate input from people on both ends of this spectrum. What do you think?
Answers (2)
If your dealing with appreciation issues it's probable a two sided effort. As you pointed out that it is more important to prove it than to just talk about it. But i also know that guys (like me) tend to not pick up on stuff like that easily so we kind of want to hear people say thank you. I also picked up over time that telling my mom thank you isn't as effective as giving her a hug and telling her "I love you". This is also backed up by my experience in the friend-zone where i found out that most of the girls i had a crush on wanted their boyfriends kiss or hug them (depends on age) rather than just hear thank you. You might want to show your boyfriend the answers you get from this question to help the situation.
This is how he feels. You can't go and call his feelings "ridiculous" and expect to hear back, "Oh, yeah! I guess you're right, babe. Foot rub?"
I've got an idea: Why don't you tell him, and then he can show you? Also, be specific. You can't expect a person to know what your version of "appreciation in action form" looks like. Only fairytale characters are that in sync with each other.