... advice and i figured an outsiders view would help me. Im only 17 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for a couple of years, he'd often blow hot and cold when we first got together which would make me feel the need to impress as (i know this may sound corny) i literally felt love at first site. When things got a little more serious he began to get more controlling, but i wanted him to be with me so badky that i put up with it.. Whenever we'd argue he would begin to say worse and worse things and then when i'd shown i'd had enough he would turn back into the guy that i completely fell in love with.. Anyway in wont go through anymore details as this question would go on forever but one night we had a really bad fight and i got up to leave (he loves drama) and i thought i may aswell go because i clear wasnt wanted so i went to leave but he pulled me back by my hair and hit me. I was so shocked that i fell to the floor in silence but i.felt myself still wanting to say sorry? He then burst into tears and began to shake and stroke my face saying sorry and that i drove him into someone i wasnt. From then on every argument we had he would raise his hand to me. I tryed telling my friends for some help and they confronted him and he called me a liar and they all turned against me.. From then on i was called a "lair" in every argument that he hit me he would tell me it was because i lied, i began to feel like all i had was him.. And if i lost him, i'd have no one. I had no one to talk to. I then became more obsessive and weird about being with him.. I have this complete fear of loosing him. he's able to scare me with just a look and kind enough to win my heart with a kiss. Its got to a point where sometimes i question my own sanity. He controls what i wear. Who i speak too. When i am with him he is an angel and the aggressiveness has stopped but whenever i see anger i cower and agree to do anything. You'd call me mad for saying this but he is inlove with me as much as i am him.. If i try and break it off he would travel to my house andpersistantly hound me until i give in doing sweet things, i feel helpless and like he is making a fool out of me. Every one else thinks he is calm and collected. They dont know what he is like.. He is very popular and it breaks my heart at the thought of leaving him. I guess it goes to show that you can be trained to not see pain or thebad things when your in love. But i need advice. Please dont comment anything horrible. I know that i may seem completely stupid but i feel like nobody understands or knows how i feel
Answers (2)
This is a classic controlling relationship. And I should know, because I've been in one. It cycles through bad behaviour and then apologies for it. But the cycle doesn't end until the person with the problem resolves to do something about it (or you walk away). People who are controlling are often insecure and feel like their security comes from having power over a situation.
The problem is that the person being controlled often loses confidence and becomes dependent on the controlling partner (I did, and even when I split up with her, I kept going back for more). She was also violent but more often emotionally abusive. I walked away from her and resolved to stay away. Third time around, it worked, and she's now out of my life.
If your boyfriend won't take measures to help himself, I think you'll have to walk away too. Stick too long in a relationship like this and you will wreck your life.
well we can say he is accessive and he know how to make others believe him not you thing is I wonder if he will get obsessive about how he treats you one day will hurt you bad each time it will get worse as time goes think about this does he have a job leave then and arch up and just tell him each time he comes over to feed you drama no please go away I don't want you here and keep someone with you at all times til you can go some where else but yes I understand I have been there to
Thank you for your advice, i appreciate it. The situation is so complicated and i feel like i would be completely lost without him. Before we were together i was incredibly happy and got along with everybody, no i find myself doubting everyone i become friends with and whoever i speak too. I domt understand how he can say he loves me more than anything but can still completelt turn on me. I will try my best to make your advice work for me. Thank you