... is the story:
My boyfriend was on the phone with a woman. It was not flirtatious until the end when eh called her "cutie". I obviously didn't react thrilled about it but I also didn't flip a switch.
His side was the typical reaction a man would give at that point...he claimed it was just something to say,she isn't even cute, he loves and wants only me, he is sorry, wont so it again. Im sure most of you are familiar with those conversations. Any and every time Ive had a problem he would apologize, promise to cool it and he always follows through. Though it never involved him calling another woman a cutie. Im sure he will stop IN FRONT OF ME but what about when Im not around? But thas not my question as no one can forsee the future or truly know if his intentions were harmless or not but I think we can all agree its disrespectful. I nearly left however I told him to introduce me to her as his gf at church (That's where he knows her from apparently). He agreed but of course will it be "cutie" I meet?
Do you think this is a reasonable ultimatum? Im not one to give ultimatums typically however here?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by honisuckle
- Topics:
- woman, boyfriend
Responses (1)
“I think we can all agree its disrespectful”
It sounds as though you are your partner have some very different views of the world.
If something he is doing upsets you, or vice versa, it is very healthy to talk about it. Calmly. Be honest about what you feel and why. Listen to what he has to say, without judging.
His intention is not to hurt you, and for the good of your relationship, you need to understand why he behaved as he did. You need to know if he feels you are being reasonable or over-reacting. Even if you dont agree, try to see the situation from his point of view.
I can’t stress enough: neither of you are "right" and the other is "wrong". We are unique, and we the way we see the world is shaped by our entire lives. You will find that some of your views and opinions are not compatible. When this happens, do you demand compromise, agree to disagree, or do you compromise yourself?
I suggest that you critically consider, keeping in mind that he doesn’t want to hurt you:
Does he know what you need? Did he know this was something you would find disrespectful?
Is he willing to change his behaviour to protect your feelings?
Is he able to change? Some behaviours are life-long and very hard to alter.
Should you ask him to? Is this so important that you feel you have the right to demand he changes?
Remember, there will be things that you do/believe that aren’t the same as him. I would, personally, feel disrespected in the situation you describe, but I know (and respect) many people who would not find it disrespectful. We don’t try to change each other’s mind about the issue, because it is simply a matter of opinion.
I would not start a relationship with someone who has to change himself so much and second-guess his own behaviour, or risk hurting me just by being himself.
Relationships are so much work already.