For 17 years, I was in a very abusive relationship, and raised my four children on my own, while their father was out partying, most of the time.
I finally left, taking my youngest children, and leaving my second eldest with her father, as she didn't want to leave the area, because of school, friends, etc. My eldest was living with flat mates.
Since that time, she has always blamed me for leaving her, even though I went because I had been beaten up, and had to go for fear of my youngest children and my life as well. We didn't make contact again for years, and I desperately wanted to make amends, although having little money, and an unhelpful family, it was really hard to get anywhere.
Over the last few years, we have spoken again, and my new husband and I have visited her twice, and she also came to our wedding. Which was lovely! She has admitted to me, that she should come and see me, but she says that she is just too lazy! Now she has a partner, and two beautiful children, and visits his parents all the time, plus other members of the family, especially at Christmas. My husband and I, used to go up and visit 3/4 times a year, only because we live 5/6 hours away, and I had a terrible time with travelling, as I suffer from muscular dystrophy, and can be in extreme pain, at times. So now we don't travel far, unless it is really necessary. Recently, I received an invitation to her wedding in 2017, but she has not rung me or talked to me about her dress, or the venue, or anything. I feel very sad that I am not involved, and as my youngest daughter is going to be a bridesmaid, I only learn bits and pieces of information from her. The latest is, that one of her aunties, who my daughter treats as a mother, is going to walk her down the aisle, and it is going to be a huge, extravagant affair. I don't want any sympathy, but quite honestly I feel like another wedding guest, and will be put at a table away from the couple's table. While the Aunty will be up there with them. I'm asking for advice, because I have been through so much heartache, abuse, and depression, that I don't need anymore. I know that she's my daughter, but I worry for my health, especially as I also suffer from hypertension, and severe depression. I'm so divided, and don't know what to do. Shall I stay, or shall I go?
Do I go to my daughter's wedding or not?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by Anonymous
- Topics:
- children, daughter, wedding, year, relationship, raised, years, time
Answers (5)
I shall be very blunt with you. Even harsh. You have to go.
Suck it up, put on your strong woman face and go there. Make it all about her even if she didnt involve you in the wedding prep. Even if you have issues with the wedding, your ex or whatever.
Call her and ask her what she wants for present to start a conversation. Ask questions about work, home etc while she is on the phone and you have her attention. Show interest even if you feel slightened. This is her day and even if her choices hurt you it is still her day. And every woman wants the fairytale no heavy issues happy weddingday.The rest can come later.
But I have to tell you that if you dont go there might not be any later. Cause not showing up at all is only a good idea if you dont want a later.
I think you should go. I know this will be hard on you but, you will regret not going. My parent's parents didn't go to their wedding and they regretted it. I know this is a different situation but, be there for your daughter. Show her that you do love her and do wan to be there for her. Its her special day so just let it go.
I do think after all the wedding craziness. You both need to talk about everything. Clear the air. It seems your daughter may not understand everything. Sometimes as kids are perspective is very different or we don't notice everything. We only see it one way.