Did your relationship with your mother change when you had a baby?

Question

Growing up, my mother and I were very close and continued to be close even after I got married. But when I got pregnant, it seemed that my relationship with her changed. She took liberties she hasn't before (She announced on Facebook that we were having twins before we could!) She would drop in randomly (she lives 4hours away) to see how I was doing, She kept on insisting that she would be the one in the delivery room instead of my Husband (What?) And after my twins were born she's become critical of my parenting choices (I couldn't breastfeed you enough ,and you have 2? You wont be able to do it), (I was feeding you cereal at 1 month, why haven't you fed them cereal yet? (They were 2 months old) ) etc... She's been causing me undue stress and I can't take it anymore. Has anyone else's relationship with their mother go south after having children? 

(Sorry for the wall of text!)

Answer

Mother's don't change no matter what wrong you do in life they will still love you. Now if your mother gets really happy about you being pregnant their is nothing wrong with that. If your the only daughter in your mothers blood, then she must be really be happy. You having a child, she going to be a grandmother. She would be glad sharing embarrassing stories of you to your children. That's one thing I can say.
Mothers don't change their love nor their relationship to you, no matter what are the conditions. 
Your mother is just happy you have a baby, I'm sure she wished to had another when you were born. Because from what you said it seems like she want to have one badly. 1. I can prove is that she says they are twins. More than one! another is that she wants to feed them. Yup, this tells that she want to care another baby, no matter what, because she enjoyed doing it to you.

Answer

You are an adult with your own family now, so yes things have changed, and I think the trick is to talk to your mom about about boundaries, and do it in a respectful graceful way. She may be a bit hurt at first, because after all she is caught up in wanting to help and bond with her new grandchildren, like any grandparent would, but she only knows her own way of doing things so guide her to what YOU need help with, and stay strong with what YOU plan to do. 

I guess it is more stressful trying to figure out the best way for a loving daughter to tell a loving mother to back off a bit, but my guess is she has always been the way she is and you have gone along with it all your life and now you want to change things. LOL, I guess you will have to be as assertive as she is, without being mean. 

Remind her she raised you to be the woman you are, and you are so grateful she did. Be patient as it may take some time for her to make that transition from mom to grandma. I mean this is the greatest thrill of her life since you were born. Have you ever talked about her relationship with HER mother? It may give you clues as to your approach.

Love each other while you have each other, good luck and I hope this helped.

Did your relationship with your mother change when you had a baby?

Responses (2)