Ok, I've been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years on and off. He is a kind mannerly funny guy but only recently I have been thinking about the future. Im a teacher and working in temporary contracts but he doesnt work at all. He worked in an aquarium for a year for a few hours a week but he has CFS and said he couldnt handle the hours-even though it was only 3 days a week. He doesn't drive either and I wanted to buy him driving lesson vouchers for his birthday in January but he said he wasnt ready to start driving. He's 23 and I'm 24. He's a lovely guy and we are in love but he just has no motivation to do anything. I wish he was more motivated. I am thinking about the future and I really dont think he would be able to support me or a family. We go on alot of dates but we always split the bill, he never pays for me. I dont mind because I am an independent girl but Id like to be spoiled every now and again. I feel he still lives like a teenager. He lives with his mother and I have seen him on a number of occasions asking his mam for money for icecream/chocolate whenever he mows the lawns or walks the dog. I dont know if thats ok for his age but I find it weird. I feel thats for teens not adults. He has no koney to support himself. Anyway we recently had a talk about the future (I brought it up) and he said he doesnt see himself getting married for at least another 2 decades!! I was so shocked because I would love to be married by the time im 30/31. He says I shouldnt think that far ahead like enjoy right now but Ive done that enough and cant help but feel if i stay with him Im not on the road to getting my dream. I do love him with all my heart but i feel like its not enough. So last week I broke up with him out of the blue-he was so shocked and I could tell he was heartbroken but I felt it was the right thing to do for me. I have to think about my future and what I want. I know he has CFS but I feel he uses this as a shield to avoid doing anything with his life.
I know he probably hates me and that kills me because I really wanted us to end on good terms if we ever did break up. I feel like Ive not only lost a boyfriend but a best friend. A week on, and I feel so heartbroken!! I keep thinking I did the wrong thing but Ive read that this is normal in a breakup? He was my first boyfriend and first love so that makes it harder. Do you think I have made the right decision by breaking up with him??
I'd really appreciate any advice that you may have.
Did I do the right thing breaking up with my boyfriend??!! :(?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by mclare09
- Topics:
- funny, past, boyfriend, year, dating, right, guys, breaking, years, guy
Responses (1)
Oh my god! I am so sorry that you feel so bad right now. :(
First of all, yes, it's completely normal that you feel so depressed after the break up because one day he's there next to you all the time, and boom! He's gone. It's hard, I know. Also, he was your first love, your first love may not be the love you end up with, but he'll be the love that always has a place in your heart, the love that you'll never forget.
I think it was a good decision that you broke up with him. If he's not planning on getting married for two decades, that's a sign that he's really still a little kid inside-- asking for money, living with his mom, doesn't have a job... Yes I know he has CFS but even with his syndrom, he should still be planning his future a bit and putting more effort into his life. Like I said, he really does have the limits of a child. The only difference is, he put the limits on himself.
I definitely believe you when you say you're an independent woman, I can tell. And although you may be independent, that doesn't mean you need support here and there. It doesn't seem like your ex was really supporting you, it seemed like you were supporting him. You paid half the bills, you tried to help him find a job, you tried to talk about his/both of your futures. You were doing all the work. That must have been stressful.
You should explain to him why you two broke up but also explain that you want to stay good friends with him. I know your heart may say that you still love him, and you do, you love him more like a brother than a partner though. You care so much about him you're always looking out for him. That's what best friends and siblings do for each other.
Good luck, I hope you two are still close friends!
Thank you so much Amber for replying. My friends and family have all said the same but I suppose I just needed to hear it from a stranger. It was stressful. My Dad is a hard-working man and I have two brothers who are also extremely hard workers so I've always wanted someone similar to them.
The break up is definitely hard and the first few days I cried myself to sleep because I felt so guilty for hurting him! :(
Last night, I messaged him on Facebook and explained why I broke up with him, that I loved him but there was no future and how I really want to stay close friends. I also thanked him for all the good memories. He has seen my message but he hasn't replied which tells me he probably wants nothing more to do with me which breaks my heart.
I do hope someday he'll forgive me and realise it was the best thing for both of us.
Thanks again! x