Before telling you my story, let me introduce myself to you. I am?

Question

...  20 years old, single and living with my adoptive parents, yes I am adopted by my aunt and her husband when I was 15 years old, just call me Sam as I don't want my real name to be publish.

My story starts here, I've been living with them for 5 years now and my story happened just recently (to be exact last year) when we were in the car (the aunts husband and Myself) and like the normal way he was talking to me and all of the sudden he opened up about having a crush on me and told me not to say anything to my aunt, I just ignore what he said and didn't pay attention to it. After that conversation we were okay like nothing have happened and he didn't open that topic again, until that morning I was having breakfast and he told me he wanted to say something to me after breakfast and out of curiosity I suddenly asked him after what he want to say, so he said if he could give me a hug and being a daughter to father I said yes but little did I know it meant something different to him. The day after that incident he would give me a kiss in the cheeks and hug me without my permission and saying that he can stop his self admiring me and after doing it he would tell me not to say it to my aunt (his wife), it happened a couple of times and then he stopped when I told him to. So, now I am left scared and angry towards him. I don't know what to do and sometimes I felt like saying it to my aunt but I'm afraid that she won't believe me and or she might think that I am just exaggerating what happened? I don't know if I can call it abuse. Your advice will be appreciated. Thanks and more power to you

Answer

Hello I'm 20 as well.
My honest opinion.
It's not right and your uncle shouldn't be doing that. I consider it abuse and it definitely should not continue, especially if it's bothering you. But as you said it stopped. But if it continues again I would definitely try to talk to your uncle about it and if that's not going anywhere then I think you'd be left with no choice but to speak with your aunt about it since it shouldn't be tolerated. As of right now if it's stopped I wouldn't tell your aunt since that can affect their relationship and you as well since you live with them. Then again I don't know you or your aunt and uncle personally. You do so it's up to you on what actions you take. Think of the consequences in your decisions and if a decision you make has positives That outweigh the consequence.
Hope I somewhat helped you out and good luck and sorry about what you're going through.

Answer

It is definitely inappropriate. The way I see it is this, you don't like it, it shouldn't happen. If it was alright, then why does he keep asking you not to say anything? I would go say something to your aunt. It will be tough for you, but it would be better than having to deal with this. If your aunt doesn't believe you keep telling people until someone does, go to the police if you need to. This is not right. I realise you say he has stopped, but for how long? Will he always remained stopped? I wish you all the best and send that power back to you. Be strong.

Answer

The situation is very complicated. It is not yet an abuse but it seems it is just a matter of time till it turns into one. His behaviour is in the grey area, even if you told someone he could say that  it was just a fatherly behaviour or something like this.

The chances that your Aunt believes you should he deny (which he will do) are low. So, if you do that you will create tensions in the house and you risk not to be welcome there anylonger as you are adopted.

So, my advices are as follows:
1. Start immediately to think of an exit plan - moving house. He will not stop or if he stops because you threaten him you would speak out he would look for revenge

Till you can move:
2. Avoid him as much as possible in empty places (avoid being alone with him)
3. Try to have at hand a cell phone or something with recording capability in case that he succeeds being alone with you - when he starts talking you start recording. If you can take vido it is much better
4. Make a copy of your all your recordings and place them outside your home. The recordings in the house should be split in different locations
5. If he makes an aggresive movement you tell him immediatelly that you have recordings of him and you are going to show them to your Aunt and eventually to the police. Let him listen one of them. No matter what he says you go and talk to your Aunt on that
6. They might agree to search for the recordings and other things like that - you never know
7. If this happens you take the recordings out of the house and bring them to the police immediately

Hope this helps

Before telling you my story, let me introduce myself to you. I am?

Answers (3)