Hi,
Sorry if my question is dragging on a bit... I will try and get to the point as quick as possible!

In primary school I didn't have much close friends who were girls..I hung out with guys all the time, played sports at break and lunch and hated all things girly (barbie, make-up) etc.

I remember one time my friends were talking about a party a girl a few years above us was having but we were all invited..one of my friends said 'she is hot' and I found myself nodding along with them...which I suddenly stopped doing because we were all about 8 and also I realised I had just agreed with them (being a girl!) I felt weird, but I just got used to their way of thinking!

Ever since I was young I've always felt an attraction to girls. I suppose we all see a girl down the street and think she's cute/good looking but I knew my feelings were different to that and I'm trying hard to block them out. I am now 18 and still find myself thinking about girls rather than guys.

I've never been with a girl intimately, and I don't think I ever would because I would be disowned and don't think it's worth the risk. Though this may sound weird I sometimes can't see myself with anyone. A family friend asked me whether I wanted to get married someday and have a few kids... in the back of my mind I was thinking 'that may not be for me'.. but I'm not sure, so I said to her... 'I'm not sure...maybe' and this seemed to put a worried expression on her face :/

The very thought of a relationship with a guy doesn't interest me..I suppose this could be because I've been bought up to ignore, steer clear of them and focus on my studies. It's got to a stage now where I have no idea whether I'm too focused on work to notice guys... but at the same time, I keep thinking about girls. I honestly wish I didn't feel this way...

What's your verdict...am I attracted to girls because of my primary school days and influences? And, how do I cut it out once and for all?

Thanks,

Green Olive