Need some advice on how to talk with my parents.They can be super nice but have always been very overbearing. Now as an adult with 3 kids of my own they havent changed and I could use a little space and independence. We bought a house years ago 10-15 minutes away and my mother dropped in on us sooo much we just ended up moving an hour away because she cant take hints and I dont want to be flat out rude. That was not the only reason we moved but def played a part in choosing a house in a new city. Now we have been here several years we live an hour away and if she goes more than a week without seeing the grandkids then they make it into a big deal or find some random reason to drop in. Last summer they made so many plans for our kids that we barely have any weekends to plan stuff out ourselves. If we ever mention going anywhere as a family then they are like next time we want to go too. When they are around the kids they get so bossy like they are suddenly in charge and will even argue with me over stuff. I do not want to sound mean I am grateful but would like some space. Hubby's parents are so sweet we see them once a month or so they are always there for advice IF WE ASK but never interfere in our parenting. Now they want to go on vacation with us. We get one week a year off to go somewhere as a family and now they want in on that too. I just dont know what to do. I wish i had more time to type how I am feeling.
Responses (1)
Oh have I been there! Its hard to have an overbearing parent/parents because its not black and white where their entitlement ends and urs begins. Even in the best relationships! Parents/gparents want to be involved and feel as they are helpful and needed. And at first it can be great; until its not. So my advice is-SET UR BOUNDRIES! U need to sit them down and lay it out in a manner that they will understand. U dont have to be mean or cruel but u do have to be firm. U need to let them know what is acceptable and what isnt. Argueing with u in front of the kids personally to me is unacceptable. Its disrespectful and it underminds u as a parent. How can u expect ur kids to show u respect when others(g-parents) dont. U are the parents of ur kids, not them. They had their time as parents and now its over. They were entitled to parent how they wanted to and now its ur turn. Dont let them still that from u. U will resent them for it. Share with them what its doing to u and how it makes u feel. Its very possible they dont even realize that they are being intrusive. Make sure u let them know how much u care for them and love them and appreciate them. U may want some control back but trust me when I say u dont necessarily want all of it. Like the saying goes 'It takes a village to raise a child'. So consider something like what if they went to gma house every Friday or every other Friday for the night. They would have time with the gkids; u would have an evening to urselves- its a win/win! Maybe do 1 family trip/event with them a year. This they can be apart of but the rest are off limits. Let them know that for now on if they have something they think would be great for the kids, they can bring it to u and u will sit down with ur hubby and discuss it- otherwords its an automatic NO! Tell them to call before stopping by unless its been pre-planned. They need to know this is ur family and u make the rules, not them. If they dont abide by the rules then their will be consequences but only play that card if it is necessary. Once u regain ur power, dont abuse it. Gparents are special people and will love the kids unconditionally. Like u said u are lucky to have them. Phone calls before bed are a nice way to let the kids stay involved but done on ur terms. Also remember someday u too will be the grandparent so treat them as u would want ur kids to treat u when they become parents. Theres always a workable solution to any situation!!!