Back in January of this year I took my4 yr old son to the cemetary to place flowers at my niece's grave. I didn't say where we were going but when we got there he began to ask questions. I kept it as brief and simple as possible when I answered him. He asked why people put flowers there and I said they do it becuase they miss the person. The next time I took him to preschool he was in a panic. He didn't want me to leave and each time he cried hysterically from the second he woke up asking to stay home and saying "promise you will come back" "promise you will always take care of me." The teacher says that he spends the entire time at school asking if I will come back. This has been going on for 4 weeks.After 3 weeks he had made himself so sick he became consitpated and we went to the Dr. Fixed that but now he spends the time at school asking to constantly go to the bathroom, asking if I will make it back, and he refuses to participate, play or even eat his snack. His stomach is sick when he is not with me and the teacher says he becomes even more nervous and anxious duriing story time which is at the end of school. I asked him why is this and he said he worries about me driving to get him. It's not just school. I left him in the car with my husband and his brother for 5 min while I went into the store and when I came out he was hysterial saying "I thought something happen to you!" He has done this a couple other times if I run into places without him. He also has developed an almost obsession with making sure that everyone that leaves he kissses and says good-bye I love you up until the second they close the door. He doesn't have the separation anxiety from them like with me but he does want to be sure he says good-bye and hugs and kisses them. I understand this is normal but at this age he understands the finality of death and that it means not coming back. I need to figure out how to assure him I'm coming back without lieing to him saying I will never die. Is there any books? All I can find is talking to kids about death but I don't need that I need to know how to help him understand I am not going to die if I leave his sight.
Answers (3)
Well first of all I need to say that I have absolutely no experience in parenting..this is coming from a teenager. But I watch some younger kids in school and I have some experience in baby-sitting. First of all, I need to say your son is very smart to understand the meaning of death and it's consequences. Well, maybe you could try to explain to him why your niece died[ if she died of some disease or something]. Spend more time with him. Assure him that you will take care of him no matter what, but that some things are out of your hands, only god can control them. Take him with you and show him where you will be, like if you go to a supermart, take him there once or twice so he knows the place, and knows that you're not going to die. Well, I hope I helped. If you need more help, become my friend and ask me a 'private question' if you don't want to post again.
All the best!
