Alright, I know this is gonna sound like an outrageous story... But I have to ask.
5 years ago I met the most wonderful girl. She gave me all I could have ever dreamt of and more. I was studying abroad when we met and had to leave after 4 months. Back home across the ocean.

For the next 2 years we had a long distance relationship, but made every effort to spend time together. We managed to see each other often during those 2 years. Each and every time, those visits lightened up my heart.
But then, as they say, it started to be sort of "out of sight out of mind"... At least for me. I felt as if I was falling out of love. As for her, she would've followed me halfway to the moon if she had to...

Then I cheated. Badly. She found out and even almost forgave me. We met again after a long period of not seeing each other, but it was too little too late. And too much for her to handle at the time. We fought and she left. The truest love I had ever known, I let it slip away.

Two years go by. One day my parents ask me to finally clear out what's left of my stuff at home. I'm throwing away old magazines, books, class notes from college, ... and there I find an enveloppe full of letters she wrote me. I can't bear to get rid of them right there and then. Unsure what to do, I tuck them away in my jacket and leave. The next week I come across them again and decide that I should move on from all of it. Then I get an idea: I'll read everything one more time and then just burn it or throw the enveloppe in the river. That will allow me to process it all and let it go. So the next day I find myself sitting in my car in the middle of nowhere. It's close to mignight and I'm reading. Birthday cards, 10-page love letters, ... the pictures are the worst. Hours later I get out, walk to the river bank, and let the enveloppe in the water.

That was a year ago. Ever since that day, I can't get her out of my head. And I don't know what to do. She always told me I was the only person she'd ever fallen in love with and the one and only love she'd ever let into her life. But I can't convince myself she wouldn't move on. She probably has. I've been thinking about calling her, sending her a text or facebook message. Showing up at her door 4,000 miles away would just be creepy, I don't want to scare her. But the fact that I've even entertained that thought is just unbelievable right... I don't know what to do. Even if I do write her, I would have to start with "I am so deeply sorry for everything I've done to you", only to end with "even after 3 years of not seeing you and not even trying to be honest or properly apologize, I miss you like... like nothing I've ever felt before..."
If I would ever get her back, I'd say: no more waiting, no more airports... Just you and me, I'm here to stay. But it seems impossible, and maybe I should let it go after all...