I am 12 weeks pregnant, three months right now, me and the father to my baby have been together for 4 years nearly i love him deeply. But majority of this time he has been absent, he has been hanging out with his mates drinking and going to town. When i first told him that i was pregnant was a month ago although i became sick before we knew, so we did suspect pregnancy was possible. He hasn't stopped going out infact he has been going out more often, this one time he went out every evening and didn't return home until it was almost sunrise for two weeks straight. His friends do not listen to either of us when we say no, they end up pressuring me into saying that he could go knowing if i said no and they listened my partner would look down upon me and go into a sooky mood and i become upset. Either way i become upset and i do not know how to control it. He lets his friends mock and say things about me and wont stand up for me and i dont understand why, i feel like i am a burden and that i should not be there. i stay with my in laws as my mother cannot support me in anyway. My mother was a single mom as my dad wasn't around same happened to my grandmother and we are all completely fine healthy women. Before knowing iwas pregnant i wanted the father to be in my babies lives, although this has changed. I wouldn't let my baby grow up in a home whom its father is always coming and going, i will not tolerate that as i believe it will affect the baby even more so for its whole life not only that but i will not stay quiet when children see that their mother is being mistreated and fear they will become to grow up and think no different, that it is alright and normal to be treated and to treat mothers with disrespect. have spoken to him again and again, testing him numerous times, even his family have told him to stop but he doesn't listen. They are very supportive of the baby, but i am running out of time and options of what do. Some body please help me. I want what is best for me and my baby.. There is so much more to tell but so little time to write please help.
Responses (2)
I am so sorry to hear about your bad situation. I believe you should try and sit down with him and discuss how you feel and instead of "testing" him, do what you say you will. Do not continue to be in a reletionship where it is one sided. Explain to him he can be either be in or out of the child's life and their is no in between. I know being pregnant is hard but you need to consider getting a job or a better paying one if you have one. Also, there are goverment assistance programs out their you can use until you are fully on your feet. I can see his parents have been a big help, but staying under there roof is keeping you attached to your boyfriend. Explain to the parents you appreciate their help but you need to try and do whats best for the baby. I would also tell them they will be apart of the child's life and allow them to visit often. Now with the boyfriend I would tell him if he cannot start acting like an adult and father the he will have no rights to see his child. Hopefully, one day he will see what he has done and try to be the man he once was, but until then do what is best for you and your child! Goodlluck, I was raised by a single parent too and they are some of the strongest people I know!
Maybe the farther is just in shock about the news, So he can deal with it over hanging out with his friends. It's quite common. But if his friends are ganging up. Maybe you should speak to the baby's farther. And say how you feel about him going out with his friends a lot. Or you should try counselling. It does help people in these kinds of situations. But when you have the baby, there might be a chance he falls in love with he/she so much he wants to spend all his time with it. I hope this helps! I'm not a good adviser. And congratulations on the baby!
Thankyou yeah i have heard it is a way of shutting out his feelings and putting his mind elsewhere where he doesn't think about the current situation and yes i shall talk to him about his friends, it isn't right. I hope our baby will be able to have a father figure, and i don't think so, any opinions and suggestions given really help thank you so much :)
Thank you so much for the response and the testing i was referring to his loyalties and his word as he has made so many promises but broke each one, and again thankyou i will discuss this as soon as possible much appreciated :)