How to stop loving someone?

Question

Ok, so my boyfriend, we'll call him "M", loves me and I have recently discovered I am in love with him. Actually IN love. And my friend, we'll call him "D", is cute. Now, here's the problem:

Me and D are going to be shooting a movie together (small movie, we wrote the script). My character is supposed to have a crush on his, and his on mine. Now, we have discussed this together that it is ONLY acting, and anything that happens in the movie is for acting purposes only. But when we talked on the phone together (for like 2 hours, might I add) he replied "or will there?" to me saying "nothing is going to happen between us". And I laughed, thinking it was a joke, but he apparently didn't. In that phone conversation, he admitted to me that when he first saw me (he didn't know I had a boyfriend) he had a crush on me. And foolishly, I admitted the same to him.

My boyfriend, M, loves me a ton. He gave me a beautiful braclet with my name on it, and he's a bit overprotective of me. But that just means he loves me. Right? Right. Anyways, his relative just died and he had to visit another country for the funeral. Now, I am NOT going to break up with him just to be with D. If I do, he'll be heartbroken for two reasons: his relative, and me. And the whole school will gossip about it. And that means chaos. Utter. Chaos.

So, I'm trying to not like D. Any tips as to how I can do this? I see him almost every day at school, he's part of a small movie studio (group of friends studio) with me, and we talk on the phone a lot. I don't want to distance myself from him, that would make him feel weird and keep asking me "why are distancing yourself from me?".

Sorry for the long read, but for those of you who did read this, please help! :(

Answer

If you are sure that M is the right guy for you, you need to make sure nothing unfortunate happens with D. It is your responcibility.

M is probably going to be less loving and attentive toward you for a while: grief is lonely and very emotional. You need to support him until he is ready to connect with you again. Sometimes you will feel like "M isn't romantic" or "M doesn't make time for me" etc. This is where being attracted to someone else can be very, very tempting.  

If you are going to spend a lot of time near a person you are attrated to, but don't want to be attrated to, you need to makes some ground rules. I would suggest that you are speak honestly with D: tell him that you care a great deal for M, that you have no intention of being with D, that M has family tragedy to deal with and that you need a friend more than anything. Explain that physical attraction is flattering, but it doesn't compete with the emotional trust you have with your partner, and if D tries anything romantic it would be disrespectful to both you and M. 

There is nothing wrong with having a very close friend, someone you can talk with for hours, someone who "gets" you in ways your partner doesn't. Few of us get a perfect match.. Just don't break the rules of your relationship, and if you do, have the decency to break up and wait a few months first. 

When times are less stressful, consider discussing with M how he deals with being attracted to other girls (everyone is a slave to hormones. This isn't a choice). He may be comfortable with discussing the fact that you both feel attraction for other people, or maybe he hasn't reached this level of emotional maturity and security yet. 



ps DONT get drunk with D.

Answer

I think I would stay with m because he cares a lot about you it keeps things on the straight and narrow and no body gets hurt

How to stop loving someone?

Answers (3)